Rating: 4/10

Who will like it: Kids that like Paw Patrol, space, and hyperactivity. Alicia Silverstone and Ashlee Simpson fans (maybe).

Last week, I reviewed the original Space Dogs film from 2010/2012. I liked that film. The animation was bad, the voice acting was goofy, and the entire thing was Russian propaganda, but I liked the film.

I don’t like this film.

The animation is so much better.

I don’t like this film.

Belka and Strelka are voiced by Alicia Silverstone and Ashlee Simpson.

I don’t like this film.

It was released by Universal, and the US put effort in to selling it.

I don’t like this film.

So, what’s wrong with it? Everything. First off, without spoiling much, this sequel completely forgets what happened in the last movie. Favorite case and point: Allegedly Belka has always worked with Lenny the rat as an agent, and Strelka never knew him…which is exactly the opposite of the first film. I don’t know if it’s a translation error, or if the Russians have given up on continuity. The film follows Pushok, the pup from the last film, while also following Belka, Strelka, Lenny, Kazbek, and way too many other plot points. I have no idea what’s going on. It’s disjointed. The American accents are somehow weirder than the British ones in the last one. Listening to the most American voice in history talk about how awesome the Soviet Union is, and trying to stop the Americans from doing something or another on the moon (not spoiling) is just awkward.

In fact, all of the voice acting in this film is awkward. You spring for Alicia Silverstone and Ashlee Simpson, and they have all the emotional range of a slice of Wonder Bread. “Oh no. We’re going to die. *teehee*” There’s two whole emotions from the main characters in this entire film: neutral water-cooler, and peppy customer service agent.

The lone saving grace in the voice acting is whoever played Chip Armstrong. Chip’s an American space monkey played like your classic Mississippi Good ol’ boy. He’s soooooo stereotypically Southern that it’s kind of funny to watch. Then he looks at the Russian statues breasts (and I mean a tight zoom) and mentions how he likes big girls (I mean, the statue is massive, but the breast shot?) and says she must be from Texas.

The only reason that this movie is getting a 2/5 is because it did have a catchy song, a few nice moments, and I could watch it again if I was forced to. If you liked the original Space Dogs, watch this one for the heck of it.

-Sheepie ❤