Taylor Swift released a new album? No way! I had no idea.
I’m being sarcastic, but here’s nine reasons why I picked up T-Swift’s Reputation anyway:
1. I had to buy something at Walmart
I was looking for Christmas decorations at the local
portal to hell Walmart, but then decided against it. Knowing full well that torturing myself with a trip to a place like Walmart without buying anything would be a form of cruel and unusual punishment, so I decided to pick up Taylor’s new album on a mild discount of $12.98.
Fun fact: Walmart thinks that this is a country album. That makes about as much sense as anything else at Walmart I guess.
2. I’m basic
Flock, let’s just put everything on the table here: I’m basic.
I mean, I try hard not to be basic. I don’t drink Starbucks. I don’t know any of the hip young lingo the kids are speaking this day, and I’m 21.
Yet, I am so basic. I’m a shopaholic cartoon sheep with a mild Twitter addiction who writes a blog and whines about Millennials while fully being aware of the fact that that is the most Millennial thing ever. I’m the poster sheep for basic.
3. I didn’t think it was selling (and was incredibly wrong)
I don’t think a single copy of the CD had been sold since release at this Walmart. There were no empty spots. I thought that the T-Swift mania might have died. Katy Perry failed this year, so I figured Taylor would probably choke a bit, too.
Wow, I was wrong. Reputation‘s on track to obliterate everything. Great: I just gave Taylor Swift more money. Cool.
4. There’s a song called “This is why we can’t have nice things”
It’s a weird song. I don’t care: I just love the fact that she took one of the phrases I end up using on a daily basis. I’m just gonna play this song on a loop when I run into certain people.
5. I like the MySpace cover art
Graphic design has gone to a really lame place lately. I’m so sick of the pastel floral brain drool that’s been all over the place lately. It’s like an even worse version of the 80s aesthetic. Now, our glorious empress is bringing back the edgy punk newsprint look, and I love it.
6. I watched her on SNL (and proceeded to fast forward through her performance)
Yes, I still watch Saturday Night Live. I tape it on an actual vhs tape on Saturday night, and watch it Sunday morning. I always fast forward through the musical acts, since I find them to be meh. The amount of time I wait before hitting fast forward gauges how good I consider the musical guest to be, but I still always fast forward at some point.
Taylor made it to about halfway through each song before I finally clicked fast forward, which is actually impressive. Congrats, Tay Tay: you kept my attention longer than 15 seconds.
7. I kinda crave her pettiness
Okay, about half of this album is clapback. Probably more is clapback, but I’m going to be nice.
You know what? This level of petty “it’s not my fault I’m evil: you made me evil” is sooooo good. Fantastic.
8. It has random Ed Sheeran
There’s one person I know that hates Ed Sheeran with a passion. Like, she really hates Ed Sheeran. I’m not that person. I like Ed Sheeran. I actually think that a random popup Ed Sheeran in the middle of a song is actually really great.
9. I needed something to blog about
I haven’t written a music related post in a while, and I thought that T-Swift’s new album might be a good opportunity to write something.
Not a review, though: I don’t want to be slaughtered in a Swiftian postmodern Millennial comment flood.